Saturday, August 23, 2014

Mommy Reality Challenge #14 ~ Let's See Them Junk Drawers!

Time for Mommy Reality Challenge #14 ~ Let's See Them Junk Drawers!

You wanted to see our junk drawers well that is a "real" junk drawer...seriously, who even uses cassete tapes these days????  Guess I have a new project to tackle in my kitchen.  I am laughing at myself right now!  #mommyreality
© Lysa Wilds 2014

~ Learning How to Grieve ~

For the past few months I have been trying to learn how to grieve.  I recently experienced the second major loss of my life.  It is very personal and I am not ready to share it yet, if ever!  But I felt as if I needed to share what I have learned thus far about the Grieving Process.

Thanks to my Psychiatrist and the research I have done about Grieving, I now know that their are Five Stages of Grief and Loss.  The first stage is Denial and Isolation; that is where I have been been the last few months.  Basically, this stage is the temporary response that carries you through the first wave of pain.

The second stage is Anger.  From the beginning I have been in the Anger stage.  I am outraged for so many reasons but to disclose them and the details of my loss are not why I am writing this.  Your frustrations give way to anger and more than likely you will begin lashing out at those around you but my research says you really need to control this because permanent damage to your relationships may be the end result.  During this time it is best to focus on releasing your bottled up emotions not lashing out or blaming others.

The third stage is Bargaining.  I am in the beginning phase of the Bargaining Stage.  This stage is all about the need to regain control.  It is a normal reaction to feelings of hopelessness and vulnerability.  This is when the "Why me?"  and "What if..." questions appear.  Also, you may find yourself Bargaining with your God in vain for a way out of your despair.  

The fourth stage is Depression.  I have been in this stage since the day it happened.  During this stage you realize the true significance of your loss and it depresses you.  People tend to isolate themselves on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost loved one, as well as focusing on memories of the past.  People often have feelings of emptiness and despair.

The fifth and final stage is Acceptance.  Unfortunately, some people never reach this stage.  This is the stage where most people learn to accept and deal with the reality of their situation.  Acceptance does not guarantee instant happiness.  Due to the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy occurred.  But, they say you will find a way to move forward.  

In the Acceptance Stage, believe it or not, you will begin to look forward and plan things for the future.  In time, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without the gut wrenching pain.  You will still feel sadness when you think of the person you lost, but the horrific pain will no longer be there.  This one I have a hard time believing considering where I am in the grieving process; eventually you will begin to anticipate some good times ahead and even find joy, once again, in the experience of living.

It is very important to interpret each stage loosely.  Everyone's loss and grieving process is different so expect individual variations.  The progression from one stage to another is rather messy.  The reality of it all is there is quite a bit of looping back and it is very likely that more than one stage can surface at the same time, often times the stages occur out of order.

Now you are probably asking yourself why the stages are in a numerical order.  Well, it is basically a very good guide of what you can and should expect.  It also helps knowing that everything you are thinking and feeling are perfectly normal.  

Psychiatrists are trained to help people handle better the fear, guilt, and/or anxiety that often are associated with the loss of a loved one.  If you need help dealing with your grief or managing a loss consult with a Psychiatrist or other licensed mental health professionals.  There is no shame in seeking professional help. Take it from me, it really does help!  To find a licensed mental health professional near you visit the American Psychological Association's locator website at:

© Lysa Wilds 2014

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

A Tribute to Brooklynn Rae on Her Birthday!

As I was trying to fall asleep the other night, the day Brooklynn Rae was born re-played in my mind.  Today is her 15th birthday and over the past few weeks some of my most treasured memories of her life thus far have been playing in my mind like old home videos.  It seems like just yesterday she was born but it has been 15 hard to believe!
The day I will never forget began the evening of, Thursday, August 19, 1999.  That is when I went into labor with her.  So many different thoughts and emotions ran through me as the contractions grew stronger and closer together.  At first I was terrified more than anything, something I find funny today as she is child number three out of four!  Later that evening as I prepared our hospital bags, the fear turned into anticipation and excitement. 
Her father, Brandon, and I made our way to the hospital at two o'clock in the morning.  Once we arrived the nurses began to monitor Brooklynn and I for a few hours.  Then they had me up walking around the hospital for an hour or so.
My sister, Melissa, met us at the hospital bright and early the next morning.  Shortly after her arrival the doctor ordered Pitocin in my IV to speed up my labor.  Right after that the anesthesiologist came in to give me my epidural to help ease the pain.  I then began nodding off between contractions.  You would have to know Brandon and Melissa to predict what happened next, but then again I did not even see this one coming.
I knew the two of them were up to something by the way they were giggling and whispering across the room.  I just for the life of me could not figure out what they were plotting.  They both came over to check on me once the doctors and nurses left the room.

Once they knew I was ok the "snooping" in all the drawers and cupboards began!  Within just a few minutes the two of them began to play "dress-up" as Brandon modeled the treasures they had found!  In no time at all, Brandon looked like a doctor prepping for surgery.  He was wearing shoe covers on his feet, a funky looking hat thing that covered up his hair, paper like scrubs covering his clothes, and the final touch that left me hysterical and what I believe set off the really hard labor were the rubber gloves he snapped really loud once they were on his hands.

Brandon left a few minutes later to try and find something to eat.  Not too long after he left I was feeling the urge to push.  Melissa was by my side holding my hand and lovingly supported me as the urge to push became more intense!  Her smile faded away as looks of fear and concern took its place.  She had never experienced nor observed labor until that day.  Brandon almost missed Brooklynn's birth as we could not find him anywhere!
I cannot remember feeling so relieved as I did when Brandon walked back through the door just as I was about to push for the first time.  After only three pushes my little peanut, Brooklynn Rae entered the world at 11:27 am on Friday, August 20, 1999. 

Brandon cut the umbilical cord and said, "Oh my God babe," with tears in his eyes, after all this was the birth of his first child.  Then as they placed her on my chest I said, "She is beautiful!"  Melissa, Brandon, and I all had tears in our eyes from the beautiful moment we had just shared.  No one but the four of us seemed to be in that room.  Then all of a sudden a nurse swept Brooklynn away from us.
We had not noticed but the doctor and nurses did.  Brooklynn had not cried once she was born.  Just as the nurse took Brooklynn my brother-in-law, Frank, and my parents came rushing through the door.  Brandon and my parents hurried to Brooklynn's side and stayed there until we finally heard that sweet little cry!  Thankfully she was perfectly fine and weighed 6 pounds 1 ounce and measured 20 inches long.

Finally my sweet, little peanut was back in my arms as we all took in this beautiful creation made by Brandon and I.  Slowly through out the day several visitors came to meet Brooklynn.  It was an amazing day to say the least!

The special moment that Melissa, Brandon, and I shared was over but has never been forgotten, at least not by me.  Because of what we shared that day and of course it being the birth of one of my children, this day will forever be one of my most cherished memories!  I wonder if they remember at all the way I do?  I also wonder if they feel the way I feel about that day?
Happy Birthday Brooklynn Rae!  Your mother, father, Aunt Moe, and our entire family love you so very much!

(A selfie of Brooklynn and her boyfriend...well she wishes he was!)

© Lysa Wilds 2014

Friday, August 8, 2014

~ Mommy Reality Challenge #12; "When Photos Fail!" ~

Mommy Reality Challenge #12 ~

"When Photos Fail!"  A few pictures from my wedding on April 26, 2014.  Top picture: My daughters, my niece, and myself...every one of those poses we are looking in different directions.  Middle and Bottom picture:  The only pictures of my daughters as my Bridesmaids and Maid of Honor!

© 2014 Lysa Wilds

Friday, August 1, 2014

~ Mommy Reality Challenge #11 ~


This week wasn't really fair...they wanted to know what's in our purses. Well I just changed purses on Monday so all I have are receipts for a change...did find $3 when I opened it though...yay me!