Friday, February 28, 2014

The One and Only Time I Ditched School…

    On my way to school one morning during my eighth grade year I ran into two friends walking the opposite way.  They said they were ditching school and invited me to come along.  I figured why not I had been sick the day before so the school would never know.

     We left our neighborhood and had walked about two miles when my friends suggested we hop on the bus for the remainder of our journey.  Having a father who is a bus driver I was scared.
      “What if it’s my Daddy’s bus?” I asked
      “What are the odds of that actually happening?”  One of my friends replied.
      Thinking it through for a brief moment I agreed with her just as the bus came to a stop.  The doors opened and sure enough my Daddy was at the wheel staring down at us.  The three of us couldn’t move at first then I yelled, “Run!”  My friends quickly followed behind me.  Then I saw Cortez Park and screamed, “Follow me to the park he can’t drive the bus through the park!”
      We made it to the center of the rather large park all gasping for air.  Once I caught my breath I uttered, “I knew it would be my Daddy’s bus I just knew it.  He’s going to kill me.”
      We ran, then walked, then ran some more until we finally made it to my friend’s boyfriend’s house.  We got a ride back home several hours later.  I threw out the outfit I was wearing and went home.  It seemed like an eternity until my Daddy got home that night.
      When he finally walked through the door I was terrified of what would happen next.  He asked how my day was and what I learned in school that day.  I made up a story about my day.  Then he looked down at me and said, “That’s funny because I saw you about to get on my bus.”  I denied it saying, "It must have been the girl down the street, everyone thinks we look alike."  
      “I know what my own daughter looks like,” he replied.
      “It wasn’t me Daddy,” I said before I could stop myself.
      “Well I’m going to call the school tomorrow to find out if you were there,” he stated with a look in his eyes that terrified me.
      My cocky teenage mouth blurted, “Go ahead I was there.”
      I cried myself to sleep that night unknowing if he was really going to call the school.  The whole next day I walked around like a zombie fearing what he was going to do to me. 
      That night when he got home he was furious with me.  Not because I ditched school but because I had disrespected him by lying to his face.  My punishment was harsh but I definitely deserved it.  The part that hurt the most was the mixture of sadness and disappointment in his eyes.

      To this day I do not lie if anything I’m too honest and often I tell on myself because the look I saw on my Daddy’s face that day I never wanted to see again.

©2014 Lysa Wilds

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Is Today Over Yet?

From the moment the alarm went off at 5:30 am and I opened my eyes I knew it was going to be one of those days.  I forced myself to get out of bed and stumbled into Brooklynn’s room to wake her up then quickly crawled back into my cozy bed.  I must have fallen back asleep because an hour later the alarm for Kelsey was blaring in my ears.

Again, I climbed out of bed, woke Kenny up, then I found my way into Kelsey’s room.  On the way back to my room I suddenly realized Brooklynn never woke up!  Of course not, despite her new fancy alarm clock I’m her snooze button ever morning!  After waking Brooklynn up for the second time I made my way back to my room. 

As I was getting dressed Brooklynn yelled, “Open the garage door.”

“Just a second I’m getting dressed,” was my reply.

“I’m going to miss my bus!” Brooklynn screamed

I yelled back, “Whose fault is that?”

“Yours if you don’t open the garage door!”  She yelled without even pausing.   I could feel my blood pressure going sky high so I took a deep breath and talked myself into not leaving the room to confront her and quickly opened the garage door for her before I completely lost my temper.

That was just the first five minutes of my morning right after waking up.  Unfortunately, I was right; it was going to be one of those days.  My day progressively got worse with a three hour stint in traffic court with my fiancĂ© Kenny, followed by a really bad doctor’s appointment that included non-stop whining phone calls from both girls and then a few more hours of errands with absolutely nothing going right.  Then FINALLY at last we were home after 10 hours of this insanity!

Almost immediately things began to slowly fall back into rhythm and the stress of the day faded into the background.  We had been relaxing for two hours when we realized the girls would be home from church in another hour…at least we still had an hour of peace and quiet before chaos returned yet again.  That’s when I asked myself, “Is today over yet?”

They say home is where the heart is but yesterday I learned that home is where my sanity lies!  I told you my life was a circus! 

©2014 Lysa Wilds

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Mommy I Need One of Those…


     My daughter, Kelsey, has been clumsy since the day she learned to walk.  She was always falling and tripping over air!!  One day she had fallen down the steep staircase in the 1900 Victorian Gingerbread home I owned in Iowa.  The poor kid just could not stay on her feet and was always getting hurt.
     One morning when she was about four years old we were watching TV waiting for the Head Start school bus to pick her up.  A commercial came on the TV and I started to walk away.  Kelsey yelled, “Mommy, Mommy it’s my show.”  I walked back into the living room to see what she was talking about.  When she saw me she pointed to the TV and said, “I need one of them so I don’t fall down!”  I started laughing hysterically because it was a commercial for the Scooter Store.
     I spent the next 15 minutes trying to explain to a four year old that those were for people who had a hard time walking because of their health etc.  She just wasn’t getting why she couldn’t get one because she had a hard time walking just like the people on the commercial.  Finally I just said, “Kelsey, did you notice that all the people on the commercial were older like Great Grandma?  That’s why you can’t have one you’re just too young.”  Surprisingly, it worked and she moved onto another topic of conversation until her bus arrived.
     Ever since that day when a scooter commercial comes on I yell so she can hear me, “Kelsey your show is on!”  Brooklynn and I then laugh hysterically while Kelsey rolls her eyes at us!

©2014 Lysa Wilds

Friday, February 21, 2014

There is no such thing as being prepared at a NASCAR Race…

 My friend and I are avid NASCAR fans and have gone to a few races together but EVERY TIME we went to leave the race neither of us could remember where in the world we parked.  Like absolutely NO CLUE whatsoever!!!!  So the last race we attended together we were prepared!  We both downloaded a find your car application and entered in all the information before walking away from the truck.  We had double insurance that we would not get lost this time.
      We wandered around the camping area for awhile and met up with some friends at their camp site.  After a few drinks we all headed into the race to find our seats.  We were having the best time ever taking pictures, posting on Facebook, Tweeting, and of course drinking…lots of drinking; come on its NASCAR that’s what you do.  Once the race ended we headed back to the camp area to eat with our friends and sober up.
      It was getting late so we decided to head back to the truck.  We both took out our phones and started following the directions the voice was telling to us.  Then our batteries died and we had NO CLUE where to go.  We walked around for at least two hours trying to find that stupid truck.  By this time the crowd had pretty much left and there weren’t many vehicles left in the parking lot.  This was a good thing because our chances of actually seeing the truck improved greatly.
      When we finally found the truck we realized that we had been walking around in circles never venturing out far enough to find the truck.  Someone and it wasn’t me kept saying, “It’s not this far out here I know that much.”  YES it was that far out there and I had horrible blisters on my heels from the boots I was wearing.

      We learned a few things that day…you can’t depend on your smart phone without electricity and that we both needed to start paying more attention to what the heck we were doing.  Needless to say neither of us has been out to a NASCAR Race since.  But, the next time I do go I’ll be drawing a map from the truck to the gate as I am walking!

©2014 Lysa Wilds

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Racing the Moon


 One of my favorite memories with my son were when he was four to six years old.  I would be driving him to his Daddy’s house in the evenings and without fail he always found the moon.  He instantly became my co-pilot!  “Mommy we’re beating the moon!” he’d cheer. “Go faster go faster!” Then I would turn a corner and Dustin would yell, “Oh man, the moon is beating us. Faster Mommy Faster.  We have to beat the moon.” 
     His excitement got me excited and for those 30 minute drives in my piece of crap Volkswagen Rabbit, I thought we have to beat the moon we just have to.  After the first time we raced the moon I knew we would always win but I never once let on because it was our exciting game.

     A few unnecessary turns to make him think the moon had a chance then we pulled into the driveway with the moon behind us and victory was ours!  My son and I felt on top of the world because we BEAT THE MOON! Try and top that awesome race to the finish line Dale Earnhardt Jr.!  

©2014 Lysa Wilds

It must be stupidity because it is not convenient anymore!


 I have been shopping at the same Fry’s for basically 30 years…that’s when we moved into this neighborhood when I was a kid.  Most of you know that I’ve been disabled for a little over 2 years now and depend on a wheelchair because I can’t walk long distances.  Well I can’t physically walk through the grocery store so I have to use one of those electric scooter things.  It was humiliating at first especially when I would run into people I knew.  After 2 years it really doesn’t bother me anymore.  I still get the rude stares and the occasional rude comments but I just smile at those passing judgment on me and go on my way.
      In the past year though EVERYTIME I go to Fry’s ALL of the scooters are not working or I get half way through the store in the only working one and it dies on me.  It’s embarrassing for Kenny or one of my girls to push the dead scooter and me up to the check out.  It’s also frustrating that no one ever asks if I need help out when I’m alone.  I complain but no one seems to care.  I have been told that their scooters are maintained often and are all in good working order…really that’s not what I have observed or dealt with.  Having the hand baskets over the top of every scooter doesn’t look like good working order to me and they have five or more scooters.    Yet I still go back at least 4 times a week, usually more.
      Those who know where I live also know that I have two other grocery stores on the corner Safeway and a Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market.  I have been trying to figure out why I just don’t give in and start shopping at one of those stores.   I mean come on Lysa, Wal-Mart does ad matching and every time you’ve been in their store you haven’t had a single problem with their scooters.  Safeway is a nice store as well; although I don’t know what their scooter situation is like because it’s been forever since I was in there. 
      I had a surgical procedure done the other day and had to run to the store and of course there weren’t ANY working scooters in the store and outside there weren’t any handicap spaces available.  I had to call Kenny and ask him to bring my wheelchair in after he parked a half mile away.  I looked at him and said let’s just go to Safeway but as soon as I said it one of the young baggers came in with a working scooter saving them from finally losing me as a customer.
      This situation left me seriously pondering why in the world do I go back there?  Is it because I know where everything is?  Is it because I know all of the employees really well?  Is it out of loyalty since I’ve been shopping there for 30 years on and off?  I don’t like change…never have so that was thought number one.  Then I started thinking about my other options…I can never find anything in Wal-Mart and Safeway tends to be a bit pricey unless they happen to have a really good sale; which in my opinion is once a month.  So I have decided to get better acquainted with Wal-Mart in the end it makes the most sense because they have great scooters and they ad match everything so I’d be saving money and losing my frustration at the same time…now how do I tell Kenny and the kids that Fry’s is no longer an option?

©2014 Lysa Wilds



Planning a simple wedding to OMG we have invited how many people? Do we even know that many people? LOL

  When Kenny and I first got engaged we decided that we wanted a real wedding…the wedding neither of us have had before.  Little did I know how much work it was going to be?  In the first four months of planning I was burnt out and just wanted to elope until one day I realized I had it all planned I just needed to start organizing and buying everything.
      So I started my shopping and little by little I’ve checked off things that need to be done.  I have my dress, my Maid-of-Honor and Bridesmaids have their dresses, even my Flower Girl has her dress.  I have accomplished a lot more than I thought and was so very proud of me…then we got our invitations back from the printer.  After four tedious hours of addressing and stuffing envelopes my fingers and wrist hurt.
      We handed a few out to friends and relatives and I gathered up the ones we need to mail.  I counted them so I would know how many stamps to buy and could estimate the cost.  I was in shock…we were mailing 57 invitations and were handing out about 43 other invitations.  Yes I know we ordered 100 invitations but I wasn’t thinking anything of it.
      This got me thinking if we are sending out that many invitations how many people would be attending if they all showed up.  That’s when I started laughing hysterically because I didn’t know what else to do!  I won’t tell you the total number of people but I will say that everyone on my list likes to procreate because there are 29 children invited and those are just the ones I know for sure will be there.
      Kenny and I say we don’t have many friends but we obviously just prefer to stay at home.  I went through the list and every person I invited I really want to be there.  I know my family in New Jersey and Colorado probably won’t be able to make it even though I would love for them to be there as well.  I may not see the people I invited to my wedding everyday or even once a year but they are people who have always had a special place in my heart. 

      Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t complaining about how many people we invited I was just in shock!  This definitely is going to be the wedding of our dreams because everything we have wanted has just fallen into place with almost no effort it seems.  Also, looking at our guest list we will be celebrating with the people who have always had a special place in both of our hearts.  Now that is a dream wedding!

©2014 Lysa Wilds

Friday, February 14, 2014

Guinea Book of World Records


 About two years ago my daughters and I were eating a big pasta dinner with my parents.  My Dad was really hungry and finished his meal in record time.  Brooklynn looked at him in amazement and said, “Pepa, you’re the fastest pasta eater in the world.  You should be in the Guinea Book of World Records!”
     I laughed hysterically as my Dad choked on his last bite of food and began to chuckle himself.  I quickly explained to her that Guinea was a derogatory word towards Italians.  I went on to make sure she understood what I was saying and that the name of the book was Guinness World Records.
     We were still kind of laughing when she looked at me with a serious face and stated, “I shouldn't read that book anymore!”  We were all completely hysterical then.
     Her Pepa bought her the Guinness World Record Book for Christmas that year.

©2014 Lysa Wilds

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Epic Fail First Day as a Freshman


 I tried my best to prepare my 14 year old daughter for her first days as a lowly freshman in high school.  Her step-mom joined us for the pep rally and orientation.  We even toured the campus to show her where her classes, bathrooms, locker room, lunch room, etc where.  After all the school really hasn’t changed since I was a freshman there.
     We really thought she was prepared and would be just fine.  Her step-mom dropped her off the first day of school and she was to take the bus home to my house that afternoon.  Sounds easy enough right?
      She couldn't figure out how to open her locker.  (It took over a week before a friend showed her how.)  Then she ended the day with an epic fail!  She forgot her bus number and instead of just looking for her friends that live in our neighborhood she freaks out and runs to the bookstore.  She waited in line for 30 minutes to get her bus number.  By the time she finally got her bus number all of the buses had left the school.  Her step-mom rescued her and brought her home to me.
      When she finally arrived home she found her bus schedule and bus number taped to her bedroom door and I made her write the bus number on every binder and folder she had in her backpack.  She is definitely a mini me and should have been born with blonde hair just like me.
       There will be more stories about Miss Brooklynn and her high school adventures she comes home every day with another hilarious story and yes they are true…my poor Peanut!

©2014 Lysa Wilds

A Tribute to My Favorite Son…He Believed Me For Years Until One Day He Realized He Was My Only Son!

He will be turning 25 on February 22, so there are a few gems I asked his permission to share to honor his birthday month.

The Attack of the Echo

One afternoon I was talking with a friend on the phone when my three year old son began following me around repeating me word for word.  I played the game for a few minutes looking all around trying to find what was repeating me.  I finally told my friend on the phone, loud enough for Dustin to hear me, “I think there is an echo in this room.” 
He ran from where he was hiding with the most terrified look on his face and he was shaking because he was so afraid.  As he grabbed my leg he asked between tears, “Where Mommy where?”
I tried my best not to laugh but the giggles set in.  Finally after a few seconds, I was able to compose myself and held him in my arms consoling him.  Explaining that an echo was not a scary monster was no easy task.  He was only 3 and no matter how hard I tried to explain it away he cried harder; so to calm him down the first ever “monster spray” was born.  It was just a squirt bottle with water but he felt safer and I called Grannie Jane to ask how to explain an echo to him…thankfully she had just the thing at her house to show him what an echo was and we survived the attack of the Echo.

©2014 Lysa Wilds

Scary Pants Pooping Time – Thanks Grannie Jane


   A few weeks before Halloween my son and I were going through Grannies’ boxes of Halloween Costumes trying to decide what we were going to be that year.  My son had to touch everything, and try everything on as little boys often do because they are always squirming around.
     Somewhere in the middle of our throwing costumes every where Grannie snuck away to her bedroom and called Dustin to come look at what she had found.  She met him at her bedroom door with the scariest mask I've ever seen and Dustin jumped at least 3 feet in the air and I screamed as if I was being murdered. 

     After we all calmed down and Grannie stopped laughing Dustin announced that his Grannie really scared the poop out of him and ran off to the bathroom. None of us kids or grand kids have ever liked that room and that’s not the only reason why. It’s just a spooky room to begin with and still to this day my son and I will not go into her room.

©2014 Lysa Wilds

The Worse Case of Bad Breath – EVER I’m Not Exaggerating!

When my son was about five years old almost overnight he developed the absolute horrific breath any of us had ever smelt.  His Dad, my Mom (Grannie Jane), and I tried everything to cure his horrid stomach turning breath.  We even started brushing his teeth for him, he was gargling with mouth wash, you name it we tried it. 
This went on for what seemed like an eternity but was really only a month or two.  His Dad decides to take him to his Pediatrician.  After only a few seconds in the room with them the doctor looked up my son’s nose and pulled rotted lunch meat out of his nostrils.  The bad breath went away almost immediately.
Turns out that my son knew it was up his nose but wasn't going to tell anyone because he put it up there so he wouldn't have to eat it in the first place.  His Dad is a big jokester so I didn't believe him at first then I wanted to pass out from embarrassment when I realized he wasn't joking around.

All I can say is I’m glad I didn't take him to see the Pediatrician…if memory serves me right I don’t think we ever took him back to see that doctor  again. 

©2014 Lysa Wilds

A puppy or a baby at 42...


       NEITHER is what I should have said!

          With our wedding now only 72 days away of course the discussion of a baby came up.  If I could still have a baby I would have seriously considered it.  Thankfully I had a hysterectomy 12 years ago.  We were both SERIOUSLY talking about this...I have a 4 year old grandson and he has 4 grand kids.  My oldest is almost 25 years old and my youngest is 12, his oldest is 24 and his youngest 21…what were we thinking?!?!?
          The next logical thing to discuss was getting a puppy to keep our Bull Terrier, Torque, company.  We felt he was lonely being the only dog living with a cat he's afraid of.  We never really agreed on what type of puppy but definitely wanted another guard dog.  
          Kenny mentioned a Pit Bull puppy his friend at work had.  I told him how I love Pit Bulls and thought that would be a great idea. Little did I know he meant like right away.  He left for work one morning and then a short time later came back with the sweetest baby dog I've ever seen in my life; a beautiful Blue Nose Pit Bull puppy.  I already had a name for her Delilah Rose. I set her down on my bed and laid down just staring in disbelief and Kenny went back to work.
          He left me all alone with this baby that I had no idea what to do with.  Did he really just walk back out the door???  I quickly began to panic, as I do so very well with my imagination running wild again.  I calmed down for a brief second when Google popped into my mind.  I asked Google how to take care of a 6 week old puppy.  It was a good thing I did because it had been more than 14 years since I raised a puppy; longer than a few months that is. Oh man, I had no clue what I was just thrown into all alone and disabled. 
          I was terrified to fall back asleep afraid of rolling on top of the puppy then panic set in again...I had an appointment I had to go to! What the heck am I suppose to do with this little baby dog now?????  Talking to Torque the whole time; I placed her on the love seat with pillows all around her and told Torque he was the babysitter and needed to stay out on the couch with her.  As if he knew what I was saying he lay down on the couch and watched the puppy.  I left and came back about five times but the puppy slept and Torque stayed watching over her.  So after my tests I finally left.
          I was a nervous wreck the entire time I was gone so finally the appointment was over and I raced home.  I was envisioning the couches being torn up and the cat hurting both dogs and worse Torque eating the puppy.  I’m telling you my imagination is NOT a fun place to be.  I ran those who know me know I can’t run, but I ran the best I could into the living room to find Torque cuddled up with the puppy and the cat hiding because he didn't know what the puppy was. Whew…my babies with fur were OK.
          I left them on the couch and read more internet articles on what to do with a puppy then I called my dear friend Angie.  After all, Angie is the “Dog Pro” in my eyes.  Living just a few blocks away she came over to see my new baby and looked her over and calmed my spastic butt down. 
          In the first week I had her kennel trained, somewhat house broken, and she knew her name by day 3 and looks into my eyes when I call her name, oh and she knows my whistle and comes running.  It’s amazing she’s been here a little over a month and she listens pretty well.  Every once in awhile I have to stop her from chewing things but she happily will exchange it for one of her toys.   She doesn't even have to sleep in the crate most nights she cuddles up with Torque.  Walking on a leash is another story but we’ll get there.
          Back to what I asked earlier A Puppy or A Baby at 42?  I think the baby would have been easier because it wouldn't be walking for a year and I could fall back to sleep breast feeding, etc. But I’m perfectly content raising my perfect little baby girl with fur.  Besides, kids grow up into teenagers and puppies grow up into dogs that love unconditionally not just when they want or need something.

©2014 Lysa Wilds