~ A Day of Bonding and Yahweh Yoga ~

Yesterday was exactly what I needed. A change in scenery, quality time with my sister, Melissa, and my awesome nephew Shelton. Most importantly, which I didn't realize at the time, was the truly amazing personal yoga class with Melissa, who recently became a Yahweh Yoga Instructor.

For those of you just like me, before Melissa started taking the classes, who have never heard of Yahweh Yoga it is a Christian based type of yoga. Yahweh is a form of the Hebrew name of God used in the Bible. The best way for me to define Yahweh Yoga to you is to quote what I read on Yahweh Yoga's website.  "Yahweh Yoga is about loving the Lord and doing what we believe he has called us to do, which is to spread His word through yoga designed to inspire intimacy with Him and to offer programs that enrich, strengthen, and empower individuals to higher levels of mind, body, and spiritual health."

As this was my first time EVER doing yoga I was a bit nervous to say the least. I was a little frightened as well because of the RSD in my feet and the chance it could bring on extreme pain, but my incredibly loving and thoughtful sister had done research on what yoga positions were the best for RSD and planned a restorative yoga session all about me and my needs both physically and emotionally.

So I sat down on my yoga mat and like I do with everything in life I gave 110% to this new experience. At first I felt awkward and insecure but I was pleasantly surprised at how quickly I relaxed and caught on. For that I must give all the credit to my sister, Melissa.

We began with deep breathing and once she saw I was comfortably breathing correctly she said an opening prayer. We did several yoga poses of which I can only remember the names of two, butterfly pose and Queen's pose which is what we ended the session with along with Melissa saying the closing prayer.

When we were finished and I sat up on my yoga mat I was amazed at how wonderful I felt. I couldn't remember the last time I felt so relaxed, stress free, at peace with the world, and so alive all at the same time. It was truly an amazing experience; when I looked at the time I couldn't believe over an hour had passed it seemed like only a few minutes. If you have ever considered trying yoga and have not yet I highly suggest going for it!

Thank you Melissa for not only being such a loving and supportive sister but friend and person as well. I cannot wait to start taking your classes in the studio! Oh and sorry for the older pictures of us I do not have anything recently of just the two of us...that is something we need to fix! ;)



© 2014 Lysa Wilds

The True Meaning of Self Love; My Personal Journey

All of my adult life I've heard you need to truly love yourself or you will never be truly happy, find true love, and so on.  I honestly thought I loved myself and was confident that I knew who I really was so I didn't know what all the fuss was about.  I mean doesn't everyone love themselves, I would find myself thinking.  Then, a little over two years ago I was diagnosed with an incurable disease that progressively got worse. 


I alienated myself from the world and for more than a year I locked myself up in my house, only leaving when absolutely necessary.  I only allowed a few friends to see me in this weak and vulnerable way.  I was embarrassed of my wheelchair, the weight I was gaining, and the way the bones in my feet were being deformed. 


It was then, at the weakest, most loneliest time of my life when I realized not only that I didn't know who I was but that I never really loved myself either.  I also realized I had spent my life always putting everyone else and their needs first, ignoring my own real needs.  It was a long, lonely journey but slowly, with lots of tears, I began to get to know myself and what I did and didn't want in my life. 

I reflected on every aspect of my life focusing on the good and bad outcomes of past events.  Some things that I didn't want to face, some that brought back tremendous pain, and many things I didn't want to admit were my fault.  Now that was a real eye opener.  What I realized was that if I would have truly loved myself back then things probably would have turned out much different.  

If I wouldn't have done this self-reflection I don't think I'd be getting ready to walk down the aisle in two weeks like I am doing today, nor would I have finally known what true love was like.  I can honestly say that I now not only know who I am but I truly love and respect myself. Something that is still new to me. 


I have slowly come to terms with my disease thanks to my self-reflection and my amazingly supportive fiancé, Kenny.  Slowly my confidence continues to return and the new and improved Lysa gets stronger mentally and physically every day, as this is a life long journey.  


I can say for the first time in my life that this is who I am; take it or leave it, makes no difference to me.  I found out what it truly means to love yourself, I dare you to do the same!

     xx

Lysa

© 2014 Welcome to My Circus

I never thought I would be able to forgive…

           

             

 “Forgiveness is not always easy.  At times it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it.  And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.”   

~ Marianne Williamson

Reading that quote on my sister, Melissa's, Facebook wall made me sick to my stomach, tears poured down my face, it gave me goose bumps, and the images and memories I have been hiding from flashed before my eyes.  Then as I took a deep breath to calm my nerves I felt sorry for HIM.  I’ve been trying to heal for 16 years now and it happened in an instant all because of that quote.

I refuse to give details or discuss much about it because I still live in fear and those are memories best locked away.  What I will say is that for many years I was put through a living hell and lucky to have escaped with my life.  I endured things most of you can’t even begin to fathom.  I’ll tell my story one day because it is better than fiction, in a sick and twisted way, with an unbelievable ending that left the police officer sobbing on the phone with me when he had to tell me the news.  But I’m not writing about that today, I’m writing about forgiving.

Forgiveness has never been easy for me.  It is something I have always struggled with.  I’ve found that with distance and time I have forgiven others when recalling events.  There is always an instant feeling of peace when you finally let go of that negative energy and truly forgive.

Forgiving someone who destroyed your life, made up stories to hide the truth about HIM, continually tortured you for 16 years and counting was absolutely out of the question!  Wouldn’t you agree?  Well today it all ends!  I forgive YOU for the 13 years you took away from me.  Most of all I forgive YOU for what you have been doing to her for the past 16 years.  I forgive YOU and I also know you’ll either hear about this or maybe even read it yourself.  I pray YOU can forgive yourself the way that I have forgiven YOU today!

Yes, my hands are shaking and tears are flowing as I write this and yes I’m terrified of what might happen because I am forgiving HIM in such a public forum; but I’m finally free all because I forgave the unforgiveable!  I took another deep breath and felt the tension, fear, and torment leave once and for all.  I truly feel at peace! 

Thank you Marianne Williamson for such a powerful quote!

©2014 Lysa Wilds